Self-Titled Apology

To start, Here is what I sent DIABLO so I can be as transparent as can be on this...

Hey there, Yep. Its time for your period again! Haha, No. Just trying to crack a joke which I'm not really good at; In a way I am kinda like a period is to a woman, I come around after long slivers of time and when I am around no one wants me, I just stare. So yeah, On with the reason I'm crawling back to you in pieces. I'm at home buried in self pity and misery after coming to the realization that you don't know what you got until its long gone and dead, Burned with no hope of having it back. Yeah I weaseled my way back into TC three separate times and busted all two. (The third was just me being a fuck up and trying to do good and fit in more since I was on thin ice and freshly unbanned, I guess it looked worse more so than good which weren't my intentions.) So anyway; I thought about all you ever said to me and it just kinda woke me up ( I know I said that before but that was in all honest, Just to get back in where I wanted. ) and helped me understand what I really was, I was a fake and a liar and in all opinions did not deserve the friends I have and the games I own. I realized I was wasting my life sitting at the computer and being an asshole to random people just because my life was fucked in everyway so I got off my ass and got a job. I was confused, Wanting to give in and needed your help which in the long term view; Saved me from ruining the rest of my life by doing nothing. I'm currently slowly rising out of the pit I was in from neglecting school work and I've got a paying job thanks to you. I owe my current state of life to you and all youve said and the inspiration you provided for me. (I'm talking about the good and positive stuff, Not the fucked up shit I’m still into.) All my problems always strung back to that big emotional block I had in my head ever since childhood, Call me a liar and a fake just like my parents did but I can assure you I am not. Right, Down to the exact reason I am contacting you… As I said before “you don’t know what you got until its all dead and gone.” Which is true, TC was nice to me and provided fun and a free environment to expand my mind and friends/cyber-social life (not that nasty shit that most RP’ers do “cyber”). The things I said and did go unforgivable and I’ve already dried up all the trust TC has given me so this is why I come to you now… I’m pretty sure I burned that bridge and all when I said something to you a while ago which was just an argument starter. When I said that stuff Cherry was my influence since I was rolling with him, Wolfe and Trippy Nightmare. We RP’d in servers for a month or so until my older sister killed herself in my old room at my biological parent’s house and I told Wolfe thinking I could get some comfort from sharing with a friend and then an hour later Cherry sent me a random message that mocked my older sister and her death out of no where so that’s when I went solo and got a job and almost a life but I find myself empty inside and wanting a place to fit in, Wanting acceptance. I was banned from a TTT community shortly after you expelled me from TC, The ban’s reason was “Being too creepy” so I changed most of my ways since then. I’ve been thinking about how you would take this for a while now and I know now it won’t go so well since when I think about something too much it falls apart and I can’t fix it. I don’t know exactly how to prove to you I’ve changed other than a radical suggestion of unbannishment and authorization to be on the forums and what not, I know if I made a big apology post and what not it would not fly since the (I go by Korn now and wish for no one to call me Zue anymore.) Korn you guys knew is a giant asshole and deserves nothing but emptiness. I ask you let me in the server and on the forum announcing it to no one so the community won’t have such a clouded view of me and they will get to know ME, The real and new me. I know you have every right to hate me and ignore this plea but I wish for you to actually see me for who and what I am now, Not what I used to be. Something I go by now is a philosophy I know I’ll follow my whole life: “You try so hard to be wanted, False emotion tells you fronted. I think being a person relies on one thing; Be yourself let you shine through. Be yourself let you shine through.” Which really helps when I am being a little bitch to someone and it helps me be more mature and my age and not that person I used to be. This whole thing is pretty weak and I apologize I couldn’t provide anything more than these words, I’m not one who usually is so open and wanting. I know you can ask one or two people about me and if this is all true, They’d be D-Lop and Trippy Nightmare. I’ve been working on getting back to my roots before I was an egotistical ass. I added D-Lop after I was kicked from TC and he was what I used to be and I was him only more mellow and mature in his words. He said “woah, what happened to ZuE? your not that angry paranoid kid anymore” This is the last chance I’m giving myself to let me accept me and see that I really do have it in me to not be such a freak and a hatemonger. I already apologized to those I hurt before my third and last unban and my thoughts on them still stand, I no longer have any hate or love towards Noobstrike and honestly I just want a new anonymous slate so everyone can get to know me as a new person and not that ass from the past. If you decline I’ll sadly delete this account on the forums and try to forget, If you accept this… You’d be making me forever in your debt and a very happy person. I just want you to know that in all honesty and not sucking up, I’d be dead and not where I am today if it wasn’t for you. (I’m sorry for going around you and making a forum account but I had to since this wouldn’t all fit in a steam chat.) Please take it into consideration, I’ve been thinking about this for the past three days and that worries me since, As I said before “Every time I start to believe and think about something, It just falls apart suddenly and it hurts me so much.” You giving me this one and final small chance would be nothing short of a miracle, I’d literally do anything to show you as much as you want to see about me (there are some boundaries I won’t cross though) Please.


For those of you who do know me, You'll know the stuff I did and said in the past and why I was banned. For those of you who are new (anyone joining after late 2012 and on) you can see some of what was wrong in the message to DIABLO above, And for a long story short; I was a spontaneous tyraiding asshole who picked fights with random people just to make myself feel normal. I don't come to you begging on my knees because I still would like to keep my dignity and self-pride for what I've accomplished since DIABLO coated me in wisdom, Instead I come asking for forgiveness and that one last chance to prove to you all that I am not that asshole that I used to be. This all may be weak to some or it may be not, I can't be more true than all of this, If you want to know about what happened in the past or just want to befriend me, Go ahead and add me on steam and ask me anything and what not. I just want all you old school'ers (that haven't left yet: Noobstrike, D-Lop, Archi and Trippy) that I am deeply sorry for all that was said and done back then. Please take this into consideration like DIABLO did which let me make this poll, I'd be so very grateful.

P.S. I know I've said something similar in the past to be unbanned and I can tell you right now, This has way more heart and sincerity in it than what was said before. Trusting me now would be nothing short of a miracle which I understand, But in the way god works; Some miracles do come true.

I cannot stress it enough that you all can see I'm being as true, transparent and as heartfelt as someone like me can get... Please look past the clouds from what I used to be and see who I am now, The new and true me.

Ah ZuE it seems you are back.... I'm voting NO for the second time. You've had plenty of chances and trust and it was all thrown away and stepped on by you. You're a cool guy sometimes but just not trust worthy nor should you get another chance.

Gremnkai wrote:Ah ZuE it seems you are back.... I'm voting NO for the second time. You've had plenty of chances and trust and it was all thrown away and stepped on by you. You're a cool guy sometimes but just not trust worthy nor should you get another chance.

Go ahead and add me on steam so we can talk about this more, I don't understand what the blunt hate is for but I'd like to resolve it. As I asked politely before or you are just insulting me, Don't call me "ZuE" I don't like that name.

And plenty chances? 2, One was un-official but I can say the first one was blown away by me. Hate all you want I won't gain any animosity from it since I'm done with all that, Maybe your sight is blinded by the fact that you came with me to ADD with chillin and duckman when I was first dishonorably discharged from TC.

Also, I'd like anyone who votes "No" to add me on steam so I can have a private chat with you on why you voted "No" and if you are wanting more than just a formal apology. I'm not saying I won't try every way to show I'm not that asshole I was back when.

http://steamcommunity.com/id/2spooky4you/ <--- Add me.

Here is a chat from moments ago:

KoЯn: I don't know how to start it, So just tell me what animosity you got against me and lets settle it now in hopes to change your mind and vote to a more positive approach
Gremnkai: Mostly of the lies you told me
Gremnkai: I searched back onto SOTA
Gremnkai: seen some of the things you've done
KoЯn: You can't count SoTA things for TC things
KoЯn: and what lies? let me defuse those right now
Gremnkai: Like the lies abotu Chillin
KoЯn: what lies about chillin? Be more specific please
Gremnkai: Just general lies to turn me against TC
Gremnkai: to tell me Chillin did nothing
Gremnkai: I look back and see his threats to hack TC
Gremnkai: sorry if I take a little while to reply playing TTT
KoЯn: I never said chillin was a saint and didn't do a thing, I never tried to turn you against TC. I only asked you to come with me to ADD and play for a bit but not leave TC entirely. My exact words.
Gremnkai: You were trying to turn me against TC by telling a conspiriscy to get you banned
Gremnkai: I have the chat log that you told me to save
KoЯn: So you are saying I tried to get me banned?
KoЯn: and show me the chat log please
Gremnkai: Like by making one up
KoЯn: show me the chat log
Gremnkai: Getting it up
Gremnkai: J0E: Oi
J0E: why'd you make a new account on the forums
J0E: named
J0E: Anonymous user
Righteous ZuE is now Away.
Righteous ZuE is now Online.
Righteous ZuE: noob asked me to make that
J0E: Why?
Righteous ZuE: so he didnt have to make posts
J0E: What does that mean?
Righteous ZuE: He needed me to post somthing he didnt want to
J0E: What did he need to post?
J0E: What did he need to post?
J0E: WHAT
J0E: DID
J0E: HE
J0E: NEED
J0E: TO
J0E: POST
Righteous ZuE: sorry
Righteous ZuE: sorry im talking to 4 people
Righteous ZuE: he needed a demotion request
J0E: For who?
Righteous ZuE: He asked me not to tell anyone, and i wont diablo told me to keep it a secret aswell.
J0E: Ok dude
J0E: I trust that you will remove the ZuE from your name.
Righteous ZuE: I do trust you, but if diablo find out i told anyone. He will fucking end me?
Righteous ZuE: Wanna know so bad. And why i didnt post it?
Righteous ZuE: It was for you.
J0E: thanks


v
Gremnkai: the probably fake chat log
Gremnkai: that you used to turn me against TC
KoЯn: I didn't try or force you against TC, If you were going against TC then that was in your own mind, Not my doing.
KoЯn: Ever heard of "Free will"?
Gremnkai: Dude you tried to manupulate me
KoЯn: Dude your entire argument here is cluster fucked and contradicted.
KoЯn: I tried, I really did but you just... Holy mother of god.

I tried being as non-hostile as could be but I don't know if some slipped out here and there, I'm motioning to have Gremnkai's vote voided from the case since he is going on nothing but irrelevant data and speculations that have not happened in the past but only in his head.
[Awaiting Admin approval of this motion]

Korn.

You are one I've heard about 'round these parts of the internet.

You've been given so, so many chances.. yet, it seems that in this apology you've brought yourself together.

I'm going to stay neutral for now..

Hm trying to null and void my vote. Nice.

KoЯn wrote:I tried being as non-hostile as could be but I don't know if some slipped out here and there, I'm motioning to have Gremnkai's vote voided from the case since he is going on nothing but irrelevant data and speculations that have not happened in the past but only in his head.
[Awaiting Admin approval of this motion]

HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA..

SLOW DOWN AND HOLD THE DAMN PHONE SHA'LAWN!

Are you trying to avoid Gremnkai's legitimate vote?
Gremnkai brought up a good point! That chatlog we cannot confirm whether it's fake or not, but.. I'm not sure. I'm leaning more towards that it's fake, but w/e.

I don't see why you'd attempt to avoid his vote.

...

This.
Again?

FOUR TIMES?
I tried to be positive and give you a chance last time.
I voted yes.
But no one.
NO. ONE,
Gets perma banned three times on the communitys choice, and comes back. You can sit on our forum and write an entire 3000 page harry potter spoof about why you should be let back in and how sad your life is.
But god damn Zue. It's a gmod RP forum, on the INTERNET. It shouldn't be this complicated. No one wants to hear your deep sad life stories that may not even be true. Call me cold and heartless or whatever, but this is past ridiculous. Do I need to link all what...four of your "Unban me again" posts to prove a point? Go to a NEW. COMMUNITY. Casual bananas, overwatch gaming. You have a clean record there. You've blown everything here as far as I can tell. D-lop has been distant from all of us, and lupus left TC shortly before you got here. Not the most reliable people in my eyes. I've got every reason to vote no.
And for new members who don't know zue, do some digging. New people were the majority of his votes last time.
I tried to give a chance zue, you blew it, I'm not doing it again.
It's also not "Hating" to dislike you.
It's disliking you. :I

And I'll tell you something right now.
Gremnkais vote is HIS choice, and will not be voided.
No matter why he says it. You can't prove the thoughts in his head.
Only he can.

Just stop and find a new community where your record is truly clean.
And yes, I'm calling you ZuE, because after four times I don't just "Forget."

And a tip.
Lieing with fake chat logs won't help, both in Grems and My name.

My verdict is NO. To me, this appears as a classic case of "Same Shit, Different Day." No reason to just repeat what's already occurred.

You know what zue, [CENSORED]

Im having a VERY stressful time with no money, no help and NO FUCKING FOOD and noone to rely on, and i dont go back to communities i was banned from 4 times

[CENSORED]

MY VERDICT
HAS SHIFTED
TO
A
NOPE

ZuE, my main mango you had four chances.

Four chances.

And you blew 'em all.

Even Gaben.

Zue
Zue Zue
Zue Zue Zue
Zue Zue Zue Zue
Zue Zue Zue Zue Zue
Zue Zue Zue Zue
Zue Zue Zue
Zue Zue
Zue

I just wanted to say Zue to fluster you.

Now that, I have your attention, I vote Neutral, put my vote on whichever side has the least votes when it comes down to it. Hell, I'm not even sure my opinion matters.

[img]

Nobody here seems to want you anymore. So why do you keep trying to come back? Just go to another server, unless you've fucked up on every other server out there. [CENSORED]

Meleepayne wrote:Nobody here seems to want you anymore. So why do you keep trying to come back? Just go to another server, unless you've fucked up on every other server out there. [CENSORED]

That is a serious dick move, your worse then anyone Here Melee, [CENSORED]