Latest topics
» reminiscing of old times
Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:30 pm by Gremnkai

» You know what?
Thu Mar 02, 2017 8:56 pm by DIABLO258

» I won't leave you
Wed Jan 04, 2017 9:33 am by Trippy

» I wonder if
Mon Apr 04, 2016 9:58 pm by Gremnkai

» Good Memories.
Sun Apr 03, 2016 2:04 pm by General Bravo

» can't actually reply to anything
Sun Aug 30, 2015 6:46 pm by Moose_hater

» Not being able to reply - Fixed
Wed Jul 01, 2015 11:51 am by DIABLO258

» assdasdgfadgf
Tue Jun 02, 2015 1:07 am by Gremnkai

» Gotta shitpost to get to 1004 posts
Tue Jun 02, 2015 1:06 am by Gremnkai

» I'm in love wit a coco (Trippy <3)
Tue Jun 02, 2015 1:02 am by Gremnkai

I wrote this story, I would like feedback if you guys are willing to take a look.

Go down

I wrote this story, I would like feedback if you guys are willing to take a look.

Post  Trippy on Wed Aug 07, 2013 9:31 pm

**A prerecorded video message would pop onto the screen, a female would be on the other end,  she would be in a red MJOLNIR armor, with her helmet on her lap. She would have blone hair, and blue eyes, with many small scars on her face. She would look at the camera and then at the man behind it who is off screen. She would say, "So, uh what am I supposed to do?" the man would sigh, then say. "Explain to us your life, from beginning to now." The female would give off a frustrated groan and begin.**

My name is Aarika Born, of Sierra team, I was born on August first, Nineteen ninety four. My mother died giving birth to me, my father was never named. I was given to my uncle and aunt after my mother was pronounced dead, after three weeks with my uncle and aunt, I was taken by a Social Services worker, as they say my uncle and aunt were unfit to care for me. I spent four years in the orphanage. On my fifth birthday I woke in the middle of the night to find a man cloaked in a black uniform with wearing a Night vision device standing over my bed. Before I was able to scream he has a odd tasting cloth over my mouth. I woke in a small room. Nearly black, a bed and a tray of food, I scarfed the food down, it was a Military Ration, but I did not know that then. I was just happy to actually eat, the orphanage did not feed us much.

I lay on the bed confused, with a major headache, probably due to that cloth. I soon fell into a deep sleep, waking god knows how many hours later, a man stormed in the room yelling at me to get up and get moving, I did tears running down my face, trust me i'm used to being yelled at, by not by someone who is donned in a military uniform with a rifle on his back. I rushed out of the room, just now realizing I have been in a patient gown. My face grew red, my butt obliviously visible behind me, the nurses and soldiers in the hall turned and looked at me most smiled, and a few laughed one made her way out, she had a kind face. She looked like a grandma, she introduced herself as Mrs. Diana Blackheart.

Mrs. Blackheart explained to me, that she was my new mommy, she was to take care of us. And help 'us' grow big and strong. And when I asked her why she said us. She grabbed my small hand a pulled me along with her too three other rooms all of them containing another person of my age. I stared in awe, my face lit up in happiness, I asked if I may talk and play with them, she told me no, and said they were still sleeping. I got a bit sad, she told me it was time for a special test, I nodded and went with her. We went to a room, the room was filled with machines and large tubes with floating animals inside, I stared at it, then felt a sharp pain in my arm. I yelped, and felt a smack on my face, I looked at Mrs. Black heart as she drew blood from my arm and just realized she had slapped me. She took the syringe away, then said "You are now one of my children. My children do not cry." I held back the tears and nodded rubbing my face.

Weeks passed, and we went through rigorous testing. Everything from endurance to strength, My body hurts...So bad, I can barely move. Mrs. Blackheart continues to push us harder, feeding us these pills and drinks, we have all grown so big in only a few weeks...I went from being at Mrs. Blackhearts waist to being at her chest now, wow. I feel faster too...I'm only six years old too..Wow. So today Mrs. Blackheart told me I am now allowed to meet my new partners. Three other people my age wow...Its hard to believe..I was told we cant tell each other are names though. So I spent the next two and a half month's training with these...No named people.

Time went by, I am now ten years old, my body has fully developed from all the drugs and special programs we have been going through. Now Mrs. Black heart says we still will have to hit puberty to reach are full height and body types. So from what I have now learned, we are to be a type of soldier, different from the others, the stuff we have learned, we were recently sent into sparring matches with normal soldiers...Supposedly one of them was killed when one of my partners killed him by accident. But I beat all three of my soldiers with no problem most of them were afraid to fight me...

Four years have passed, I am now fourteen, I'm fully grown, I started my menstrual cycle two years ago, I am now Six foot, eight. Shorter then most of my partners...But still I'm taller then almost every soldier. Mrs. Blackheart has not been looking good...As time has gone by, she has begun to look older..But surprisingly sad. We have heard rumors that she is very sick with some sort of cancer, and there is nothing we can do..She told us she has a surprise for us, that we get too see are special suits. I cant wait, she has told us these suits are really expensive, and that they have been in development since we were all brought here.

Two years have passed, we are all mourning the death of are mother. Mrs. Blackheart passed in her sleep. The doctors told us she could not deal with the cancer anymore, she refused to take any treatment the old bitch was to stubborn thought she could beat it without the medical treatment..She was sixty two..Her husband think his name was Harry, are martial arts trainer wheeled her out, the days went by slowly after that, she was supposed to give us are armor today..I, need a good cry...The first one in twelve years...Are lives feel empty, are mother is dead..The one who showed us love, taught us what we know...Nothing is fun anymore, all the training seems like it is worth nothing...I cant even muster the strength to do anything.

Its three years later, I am now the Leader of Sierra team, I was placed in after defeating the rest of my team in a knowledge competition as well as a physical and martial arts competition. I now am the leader of are group. I hold this place knowing Mrs. Blackheart had wanted me to have it. I am told I begin my training as the Heavy Weapons specialist of are group. I man large weaponry such as Light Machine guns, and Vehicles. I will do it and I will show all those people who thought we would fail. That I Aarika Born, of Sierra team 134, will show them I am the best.

Its now three years, I am now twenty two. We have been told we are not needed, are team is to be put into some sort of cryogenic sleep, while we wait until we are needed. Well, my friends I guess this is the end. I will see you on the battlefield weather it be, on a empty desert fighting terrorist. Or it be three thousand years in the future fighting space pirates. I cant wait to finally wake up and begin are battle. I will show the world who I am, I am Aarika Born of Sierra team, and you better believe it!

Last edited by Trippy Nightmare™ on Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:04 pm; edited 2 times in total

God, I used to be a fucking edgy little shit.

Posts : 186
Join date : 2012-08-20
Age : 22

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: I wrote this story, I would like feedback if you guys are willing to take a look.

Post  Commander America on Wed Aug 07, 2013 10:00 pm

It's a really great story, I think. Lot's of Minor-Grammar errors, but that's ok.

When I started reading I thought it was going to be another "Special" Character, That scared me Razz

Anyway, Good Story.

CCA-C18-NOVA-03-46926- Killing Rogues and Refugees, 5 in total.
Jacob Danner:  Being besties with his friends.  Thinks a grenade is a modified baseball.
James 'Little Bird' Henry- DEAD.  Killed for defending his information.
Commander America
Obsidian Donator

Posts : 79
Join date : 2012-09-29
Age : 88
Location : In the Rebel Alliance's bombing fleet, destroying Core Stealer's Turret factories.

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Back to top

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum